If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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