i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
