i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
