I'm jealous of your bromance
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Randomize
