I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
