Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
