Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
