even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
