call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize