I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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