Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
