you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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