you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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