i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
