sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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