She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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