my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
