I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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