Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
