Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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