Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
