I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we're making bets on your personal life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need moral support for this bender
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
