you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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