I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
