guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
