i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
