just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
