So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
