its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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