1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
