have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
