I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
