i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
