wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
