i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
