i think my tv is drunk
I think my fart just growled at me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
