Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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