Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
