i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
smell my finger.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
