yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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