Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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