Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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