There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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