Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
