I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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