I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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