Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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