I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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