the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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