Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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