A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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