sorry about calling you the devil all night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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