what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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