I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
