I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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