she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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