Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
