Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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