omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
