Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
