This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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