Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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(519): View more from Ontario

all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"

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(757): View more from Virginia

I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.

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(941): View more from Florida

I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now

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(949): View more from California

Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..

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(217): View more from Illinois

He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.

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