Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
