Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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