you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dear god my vagina.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
