Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
