I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
love makes seman taste better
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
