oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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