I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Houston, we have a blender
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
