She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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