batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
