some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
