I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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