mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
