If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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