i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
