I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
