After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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