so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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