I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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