that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
